Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The "Marriage" Talk

Surprisingly, Trav used to be so scared of the word “marriage” so we tried not to mention it (except I would once in a while to see if he was on the same page as me). Now, he's excited (well I can't say he's beyond thrilled) to hear about the wedding talk too. But then again, there’s not very much, just because we’re  still not sure about a date and nor what state we’re going to have it in! (Except I did just get my first price estimation).We are much more enjoying the part just being “engaged”.  
However, my friend Ashley, made me think when she asked something like, “Is there anything that scares you about marriage?” That’s not a question that I have been asked before, and rightfully, it should be. This is because so many people jump into the whole marriage scene without even thinking about it.  It’s much more than fun and games.
So my major concerns:
1.) Getting a divorce. It’s so common nowadays.
2.) Trav getting sick of me. I mean we’re spending a WHOLE lifetime together – we have to take the bad with the good.
3.) Our future kids. I was definitively raised more strictly than my other friends. Although, I don’t want to be as strict as my parents were  (I’m not complaining because I think I was raised pretty darn good), I can imagine myself as the “mean” parent, while Trav will probably be the parent who sees more things ideally than I would.
4.) Money issues.  Money is one of leading reasons of getting a divorce. Although I feel like we are perfectly fine right now – we have not thrown kids and other things in the mix yet.
While talking to Ashley while her husband and Travis were golfing, she gave me some really good advice that I will use for the rest of my life.
1.) Both should go into the marriage knowing that divorce is not an option.  (I personally say there are a few exceptions such as: abuse, any kind of drug/drinking “ism”, or cheating).  Trav and I both don’t want this for us or for our kids. Marriage is forever, not something to get out of when you’re having a difficult time. When that happens; seek counseling, do anything in your will power to fix it. You fell in love with that person for a reason, married that person because that person was the only person you wanted for your lifetime, and etc.
2.) Whatever you do together, think of it as your asset. For example, if you eat together, wake up together, go to bed together, play golf together, etc.  Those couples who play together, are more likely to stay together.
3.) Make coming home fun. Once you lose that, you lose respect for each other. Home should be a place of enjoyment, NOT fighting/degrading/or resentment.  Make the time that you guys have with each other, the most. Do the little things too: be silly, make voices, sing together, play practical jokes on each other, etc.
What is some really good wedding advice/engagement advice that you have lived by?

6 comments:

  1. My favorite advice is to have fun! Times will inevitably get tough, we know that for sure, so we just arm ourselves with a good sense of humor and try to make it through. Also, I always try to think about how he's feeling before I approach a certain topic - if he's worked a 10 hour day and he comes home grumpy, it's obviously not a good time to talk about finances!

    You guys will do great :)

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  2. I think giving each other space but know when to come home is important. I also think that you have to be able to walk the fine line between being open about things that bother you and being able to brush off the bad stuff.

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  3. Laugh. Joy and commitment go hand in hand, sweetie. Be a happy person, someone that he wants to be around. You'll be less likely to be unfaithful because you don't want to hurt someone who is such a joy. That's my best bit of advice.

    Happy engagement. =]

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  4. I am not in a relationship to advise personally but my friend has been married for a few years and she always says this "You started off as two people and are now a couple - seen as together- but people tend to forget your individuals as well" makes time for each other and make times for yourself.

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  5. Love Ashley's advice. I completely agree with her first one. Mine would be that being married is just like being single - you have the same ups and downs of heartbreak, new relationships, and in between times that single people do. If you work at it you get to be with one person your entire life and experience the ups that are just as twitter-pating as a new relationship, only better because you're with someone you know loves you til' the ends of the universe, as you do them.

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Thanks for being so lovely! :)