Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Truth.

True: Trav and I's relationship is not perfect.

Sometimes we disagree (what couple doesn't?) on certain things. The thing we disagree the most is kinda, sorta, a big thing. It means something to both of us. This topic is: marriage.

To me, marriage is about wanting to spend the rest of your life with one special person. This means you two are there for each other through thick and thin for as long as you both shall live. This is the person you dedicate your life getting to know.  This is the person that you can't find yourself living without, and somehow keep finding yourself more in love with that person every day. This means loving that person through all their faults, and vice versa. It is more than a piece of paper: it's a commitment to that person that you will make it work for the rest of your life, together. I want to be able to wake up every day, thanking God for having such a wonderful husband and life partner.

Trav sees marriage as divorce. This is because he's grown up with divorce. His parent's are divorced, his aunts/uncles are divorced,  his grandma got a divorce, his co-workers are divorced, etc. And it doesn't help that his dad has been married probably 5 different times now and is still not married today. Divorce scares him to death and he does not want to rush into it. It's a big decision and I don't blame him.

I have always grown up with love stories (watching Disney) where there has always been a happily ever after. I have always believed in happily ever afters and have always wanted to find my prince charming. Even my grandma's would tell me how they fell in love with my grandpa, and after they passed away that they would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I have also seen my grandma lying in a hospital telling stories about my grandpa and how she couldn't wait to see him again. That's the kind of love story I want.

Marriage isn't perfect. Problems occur, but the good has to outweigh the bad. But, I believe that when you say til death do I part, then you work out your problems. In today's society, it is way to easy to get a divorce. People imagine their life differently or want something different because they get in the same routine, or their marriage becomes boring. They don't think they can have that something different unless they get rid of the person because it makes their life "easier". Instead, they should communicate, have trust, and change things together. 

Trav and I do agree on one thing: We both don't want to get a divorce. (The only exception for divorce (I believe) is: abuse (physical or emotional), addiction, or cheating.

Since the end of last year/beginning of this year, I have been a little wedding crazed. I think it is because everyone seems to be getting married and that they know that the person that the person they are dating is the person that they want to spend the rest of their life with. I know what I want, but Trav is hesitant. This frustrates me because I hate not knowing and it forces me sometimes to think my life without him, and I never wanted to do that. I don't ever want to be without him. He is everything that I want and is such an amazing person, making me want to a better person just by being around him. I know that I want to be with him for the rest of my life, and he should know too.


I am glad I moved here. But by now, I want to know if I am the one for him - not just a fling. I don't think it's fair to either one of us, if I'm living here, while he waits to figure it out. So I've been beating myself up over this fact, and getting angry with him over something that I probably shouldn't be, knowing that it could destroy us. I'm not a kind of person to be bitter.

I mean - I don't know even know what the rush is for me to get married. (I don't want a big fancy wedding, or nor do I really look forward to planning a wedding) I guess I just want Trav to be able to look at me and say, "Ashley, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life without you. I don't ever want to be without you and I want us to grow old together." A ring gives the feeling of forever.

I also guess that I thought by age 24, my life would be different by now. I thought I would already be married and start to plan to have babies with my hubby. Instead, I am 24, not married, not even engaged, or even know that this person that I'm with wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

Trav had his life planned too: Get married at age 27 and have kids at age 30.

But, nothing ever goes as planned. 

So anyways, why am I in such a rush to get married? I honestly don't know. So I finally decided that whatever happens, happens. I can't force anything and I don't want to make him rush into something he's not ready for. I should enjoy my life and not worry about if he's going to want to be with me for the rest of my life. I know he does, but it will just take him a little more time to see it. God has plans for us.

So last Friday night, we went out with a couple friends. I finally decided to have a drink, because usually I don't drink and it has been a long week. Long story short: usually, only 1 drink will do it for me (I'm such a party pooper!), but instead I got 3 in a row (whoo-hoo, crazy party girl!). It must have not been very strong, but since I normally don't drink, Trav thought I wasn't going to actually remember anything that he asked.

While falling half asleep that night, Trav asks, "Babe, what kind of ring do you want?" I laughed, and asked, "So you are actually planning on marrying me?" His response, "Yes, in five years" I had to laugh too, and I started drifting off back to sleep. 

What is your view on marriage?

5 comments:

  1. I agree completely with your view on marriage!! SO true that it's so easy to get a divorce in this day and age...which is awful! I don't get why some people get married when they know they can't do it for the long haul. You sound exactly like my best friend's situation...they've been dating for six years and she's wondering when he'll pop the question! I was just like you, getting so antsy and wanting to get that ring on my finger asap, now I'm in the stressful wedding planning stage! Fun, but time consuming! Good luck with everything...hope you get to marry your prince charming!! :)

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  2. Haha, my view of marriage is an almost eleven year long one ;) . I threatened divorce all the time when we first married. Sometimes I thought I meant it, but more often than not it was a way to control the situation. I'm much better at not threatening now, and apologizing if I do.

    My Mom always used to say she got married thinking she'd get divorced. After ten years of marriage she realized she needed to make a decision and either stay or go. She stayed.

    As a result of all those, my view is marriage is hard arse work. It's better if you get to know each other and the way you work before you throw kids in the mix. But, regardless, we're human. It's difficult. BUT that ALSO makes it so much more rewarding than anything else. Working so hard for something makes the good times that much better. We all have good times, single, engaged, married, or otherwise. When you are married and you have good times, it's not the result of a short fling, it's the result of darn hard work and it feels amazing. The more years you know each other, if you have been working hard, the more you get to know each other and yourself - something you can't have with a fling or through a divorce.

    Hope that all made sense. Your last paragraph totally made me smile, and I'm still smiling from it.

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  3. My view of marriage is exactly like yours. Have you actually asked him if he wants to get married? I totally see both points of view but Trav should strive to be different than all the divorces that surround him.

    I was having this conversation with my co-worker Liv who has been with her boyfriend 4 years. She desperately wants him to propose and even though they have discussed it she stills feels something is missing. I totally get how frustrated you are!

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  4. my lovely ash! I've missed you!! what a great post to come back to and I can relate to a LOT of it!! Being that I was going to get married this year and about 4 months before called it off completely! Marriage is the most beautiful and scariest thing in the world to me. And for me it has to be SO RIGHT because I like your hubby to be is divorce scared straight lol my parents didn't divorce but had such a dysfunctional marriage and I want the complete opposite of that! What makes marriage even hard is the way the world is today.. smh Thanks for sharing such personal insight love, great post!

    missed you, glad to be back!

    L

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  5. Ashley-You KNOW how MY marriage has been!! It's been HARD and STRESSFUL but it's also been AMAZING! You should give him time. I know it sucks horribly but you two are perfect together. I believe it will happen sooner than you think;-) Keep your head up and CALL ANYTIME!!! Love you bunches!!!

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Thanks for being so lovely! :)