Sometimes we disagree (what couple doesn't?) on certain things. The thing we disagree the most is kinda, sorta, a big thing. It means something to both of us. This topic is: marriage.
To me, marriage is about wanting to spend the rest of your life with one special person. This means you two are there for each other through thick and thin for as long as you both shall live. This is the person you dedicate your life getting to know. This is the person that you can't find yourself living without, and somehow keep finding yourself more in love with that person every day. This means loving that person through all their faults, and vice versa. It is more than a piece of paper: it's a commitment to that person that you will make it work for the rest of your life, together. I want to be able to wake up every day, thanking God for having such a wonderful husband and life partner.
Trav sees marriage as divorce. This is because he's grown up with divorce. His parent's are divorced, his aunts/uncles are divorced, his grandma got a divorce, his co-workers are divorced, etc. And it doesn't help that his dad has been married probably 5 different times now and is still not married today. Divorce scares him to death and he does not want to rush into it. It's a big decision and I don't blame him.
I have always grown up with love stories (watching Disney) where there has always been a happily ever after. I have always believed in happily ever afters and have always wanted to find my prince charming. Even my grandma's would tell me how they fell in love with my grandpa, and after they passed away that they would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I have also seen my grandma lying in a hospital telling stories about my grandpa and how she couldn't wait to see him again. That's the kind of love story I want.
Marriage isn't perfect. Problems occur, but the good has to outweigh the bad. But, I believe that when you say til death do I part, then you work out your problems. In today's society, it is way to easy to get a divorce. People imagine their life differently or want something different because they get in the same routine, or their marriage becomes boring. They don't think they can have that something different unless they get rid of the person because it makes their life "easier". Instead, they should communicate, have trust, and change things together.
Trav and I do agree on one thing: We both don't want to get a divorce. (The only exception for divorce (I believe) is: abuse (physical or emotional), addiction, or cheating.
Since the end of last year/beginning of this year, I have been a little wedding crazed. I think it is because everyone seems to be getting married and that they know that the person that the person they are dating is the person that they want to spend the rest of their life with. I know what I want, but Trav is hesitant. This frustrates me because I hate not knowing and it forces me sometimes to think my life without him, and I never wanted to do that. I don't ever want to be without him. He is everything that I want and is such an amazing person, making me want to a better person just by being around him. I know that I want to be with him for the rest of my life, and he should know too.
I am glad I moved here. But by now, I want to know if I am the one for him - not just a fling. I don't think it's fair to either one of us, if I'm living here, while he waits to figure it out. So I've been beating myself up over this fact, and getting angry with him over something that I probably shouldn't be, knowing that it could destroy us. I'm not a kind of person to be bitter.
I mean - I don't know even know what the rush is for me to get married. (I don't want a big fancy wedding, or nor do I really look forward to planning a wedding) I guess I just want Trav to be able to look at me and say, "Ashley, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life without you. I don't ever want to be without you and I want us to grow old together." A ring gives the feeling of forever.
I also guess that I thought by age 24, my life would be different by now. I thought I would already be married and start to plan to have babies with my hubby. Instead, I am 24, not married, not even engaged, or even know that this person that I'm with wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
Trav had his life planned too: Get married at age 27 and have kids at age 30.
But, nothing ever goes as planned.
So anyways, why am I in such a rush to get married? I honestly don't know. So I finally decided that whatever happens, happens. I can't force anything and I don't want to make him rush into something he's not ready for. I should enjoy my life and not worry about if he's going to want to be with me for the rest of my life. I know he does, but it will just take him a little more time to see it. God has plans for us.
So last Friday night, we went out with a couple friends. I finally decided to have a drink, because usually I don't drink and it has been a long week. Long story short: usually, only 1 drink will do it for me (I'm such a party pooper!), but instead I got 3 in a row (whoo-hoo, crazy party girl!). It must have not been very strong, but since I normally don't drink, Trav thought I wasn't going to actually remember anything that he asked.
While falling half asleep that night, Trav asks, "Babe, what kind of ring do you want?" I laughed, and asked, "So you are actually planning on marrying me?" His response, "Yes, in five years" I had to laugh too, and I started drifting off back to sleep.
What is your view on marriage?